Mmm, 6am. I slept maybe four hours, so I might go back to bed, but I have to be up for when they deliver my bed this afternoon. Bed! <3 And then I spend the rest of the day moving my stuff into my room and setting everything up. I still need a chair and hangers and a laundry basket, but those things are easily attainable. I also need to call my sister and see how she’s doing, do some cheering. And then I fix my computer, or at least figure out what needs fixing, and then the world is mine! Mwa ha ha! No, I kid, but then I get into the first steps of my long-term plans, and that is a bit much to think about at 6am after four hours of sleep.

*yawn* Alright, nap time. ‘Morning, everyone.

Some things I hold too tightly
Some things I’ll never touch
I’m wearing down the stones
In the river
And you see now
All my life, I’ve painted
With anger’s bruises
Now could you
Lift me through my love and anger
These are your gods, these are my scars.
Lift me through my love and anger
My arms are burning, but they’re open wide

I feel better now. :) I went to an Al-Anon meeting, in fact. I do not currently have an alcoholic in my life, but I found the meeting helpful nonetheless. Psychiatry for the masses, yay! Ahem. I will not be spouting slogans anytime soon, don’t worry.

As a sign of how better I am feeling, I dealt with a problem that had been consuming my attention and making me feel terrible, and I have pondered what to do tomorrow, and I thought about my interactions with my families and how I really am overstretching myself, and then to top everything off I wrote a bit. That was the really fantastic bit, actually. I haven’t been able to write for months, because my ability to write is strongly linked to my comfort levels. I was just feeling okay and thoughtful before, but writing is this big burst of feel-good. I even feel accomplished! I wrote the very end of the story, which is always the hardest part, and now I just need to edit the middle. Fix two scenes and write one or two more for flow, and it will be done. The story is hovering around 6k words right now, and it’s been a delight to work with anyhow because the voice I ended up using come very easily to me. I haven’t really written since last May, so yes, this is newsworthy. This particular story has bothered me, because I’ve known what it’s doing for a while now but been unable to actually write it - and I started it in June! Christ on a cracker, that is a long time for such a plain story.

Anyway, yes. I feel better and I thought it was time for some honestly positive talk on this blog instead of the fake positive I do when I’m feeling like crap. Writing! Oh, how I love it.

I rather desperately want to talk with another human being. I mean, I do talk to people often enough, almost every day, but spending the bulk of the day trying to scrounge up the effort to clean yet another room is frustrating at best. I am making progress, slowly but surely, but it is incredibly frustrating. The living room will be almost entirely clean once I get my things out of it and the pile of sorted laundry washed, but in order for that to happen I need to get the moon room clean enough to put my things in it, which requires that a great many things get moved or washed or sorted or just plain tossed. At least we got the big furniture items out yesterday, which is fantastic. Except the bed, which I need to continue to use until the room is clean, and then I can get a new bed, except for the part where I have no idea how to pay for it. And my things can’t go in until there’s a smaller bed in there. Sigh. Juggling a house is hard work, guys. And that’s just one room.
Plan for tomorrow: talk to someone in the morning just for the sake of talking; wash household laundry; finish emptying out moon room; survey basement.

Have done two hours of cleaning so far today. I would do more right away, but my ankle, she doth protest. :D This was probably a bad idea, but I am in a Mood. I desperately want to claim a space as my own, and this involves cleaning, and then starting cleaning makes me want to clean more because GOD. THIS HOUSE. I should be documenting this, seriously.

Ankle is doing well today. I wrapped it because it was a little whiny about walking, but then I did a bunch of walking and it’s making sad faces at me. Why yes, I am personifying my ankle. Don’t blame me, I looked at lolcats all of yesterday. :D Anyway, so, ankle is not really swollen and if I actually treated it like a sprained ankle instead of ignoring it, it would probably be fine tomorrow. At least I didn’t break anything! I feel so special.

I actually had something to blog about here. Huh. Apparently there is a flame war about the etymology of “Shepherd’s Pie.” Ah, flame wars. Oh yeah! Steph bought me things yesterday! :D :D :D I got a mini calendar of RINGWRAITHS. How awesome is that for real dudes. XD She also got me this perfume spray thing which smells really nice on me and then smells a little sub-par and then smells decent but completely different. Ah, perfumes. I still like BPAL, though. :D I also got an awesome deal on used DVDs, B2G2 (which is Secret Retail Code for buy two get two free) and I got Master & Commander (I actually picked up Bowling for Columbine, but they couldn’t find the disc), Constantine, X-Men 2, and the Ultimate Edition of the original Stargate movie. Of course, I don’t have a DVD player right now, lawlz. But they are all things I would like to add to my collection anyhow, so I am pleased. :D :D OH WAIT I should make sure they gave me the right Stargate disc, they had the regular release too. ;_; OH and all these nice places in the mall are having giant sales. Wilson’s Leather is 70%off most of the stock, and Bath & Body Works is selling awesome things for $1-4. You can get a Gamecube now for $30, how weird is that. And the pet store has Shiba Inus! I swear to god I should not be allowed near things with price tags, seriously. BUT IT’S CHEAP.

So I was walking down some stairs and I was all “Hey, I think there’s one more stair tread here. Nah, that’s so the end of the staircase. Well, just in case I’ll step a little farther out.” Don’t ask about the logic, I have no idea. But uh so now I have a mild sprain. It really is barely worth mentioning, hardly any pain or swelling, but I feel really stupid. XD

Gibraltar is apparently broken. Some hardware fault - I probably managed to kill the hard drive, which fucking pisses me off. Steph’s Niichan and I poked and prodded and tried a new power supply and did all kinds of fiddly things, but Gibby refuses to work. Le sigh. I’ll get him set up somewhere stable and look up the error beeps for his motherboard. I would consider taking him to some tech, but he’s a Linux machine and the techie businesses tend to refuse Linux machines. Also I would not trust them. Rawr. But all I know for sure is that he’s giving me hardware error beeps on startup, and I was having trouble with the hard drive connection before, and I really need to see if he’s giving me any kind of startup screen when he does this. And if not, if I can boot from CD and try to work with things from there. Oh Linux, I am glad I know a bit about fixing you.

Today I turn 22. It’s a rather unremarkable day, but dinner was nice.

Hikage got me into Dexter, which makes me very happy. Classic sociopath! Except when he’s not! They seem to be leaning towards making him just very, very mal-adjusted. He started out a classic sociopath. :/ I have to admit I have a huge thrill whenever he flirts with confessing to someone, and oh my gosh, Shrink Wrap was the best episode ever. :D :D :D Also the opening is pure genius, and I hope whoever designed it got lots of money, because damn is it perfect. Hee! Right now we’re halfway through the second season. I also got Steph to start watching Atlantis, yay! She seems vaguely intrigued. She also let me start making a chocobo out of her beads, which is awesome.

Hard to believe it’s only been a week since I moved.