Before I forget - Dad, please to be seeing what information I need to fill out a FAFSA. I’m under 24, so as far as they’re concerned I’m a minor and can’t apply without parental information. Also, note to self: fill out application to real college and contact an advisor once the school has settled down a little. Also apply to more scholarships. Also figure out housing issues, srsly.

I hate secrets. I think - I think I need to start collecting postcards so I can write to Postsecret all the time. Sometimes telling someone, anyone, is exactly what I need - particularly if there’s nothing they can do or say about it. Maybe then I can stop feeling like throwing up and start focusing on all the good things that keep happening to me.

“Did you know that your body produces excess saliva to coat your throat and mouth so that it’ll protect them from stomach acid before you vomit?”

I learn so much from fanfic. I read this one line and thought, “Oh, so that’s why!” I can always tell a false alarm by whether or not I start salivating like mad, but I didn’t know there was an actual reason. Awesome.

Was on computer, went out to dinner, came back, turned on computer, found the screen dead. ARGH. So, went out and got a Dell monitor for $200, and WHOA NICE. Widescreen HDTV or whatever, holy crap is it nice. And huuuuuge. I mean, seriously hugely wide. You know those trucks with the Wide Load signs? Wider than that. So I made my background this awesome picture of the alien from Alien made out of veggies. It’s a really awesome picture. :D His head is an eggplant, and his teeth are chilies. He is holding a steak. I don’t know why. Kinda upset at having to spend $200, though. Stupid computers.

College town is still busy with people who don’t know how to drive or look before walking into the street. I learned that in kindergarten, guys, why didn’t you?

Ahhhh, first day of moving into college. Long lines to drive anywhere, idiots that don’t understand “no U turns”, girls with giant sunglasses and short skirts, frisbee games as the sun sets…

Oh, shirtless frat boys across the street, I missed you so. <3 Keep on running in slow motion to Chariots of Fire, boys. Keep on running. (For the menfolk readers, the neighbors next to us are some very smokin’ ladies who sunbathe topless.)

I never used to hate the cold. In fact, I love it - cold is pretty, and I can always get warm because I’m my own space heater, and it cures my tummyaches.

It also settles into my knee.

I really don’t know what I did to my knee, but it’s been a year and a half, so whatever I did is permanent. And it’ll be fine, nice and warm and limber, and when it stiffens I can stretch it out, and then we got a cold front. Not particularly cold,  just a chill, but it’s settled and now I can’t stand up right because my knee tries to give out. It also aches all the time, and worse when I let it stay bent for a while, i.e. curl up in bed or sit in a chair. It was worst last winter - oh god, did that suck. Couldn’t walk up stairs, went everywhere with a limp. And apparently I get to look forward to that this coming winter, too.

…Maybe we should move to Nevada. I just really, really hate this traitorous body of mine. 21 and wondering if I’ll need a cane this winter. I won’t get one, even if I did need it, because how lame is that (OH WHAT A PUN) and when Shan reads this he will roll his eyes because he knows what a hypochondriac I am, and he’s right. What it really boils down to is that I have an uncomfortable, permanent injury, and I’m too stubborn and lacking in health care to do anything about it, so I’m gonna enjoy whining about it until the end of time. I like whining, as anyone that bothers to read this tripe might guess. It makes me feel good about other things. The more unimportant my whine is, the better I feel, but there is always, always something to whine about.

And now to buy hamburger!

I officially have my liscence. I don’t really know how I feel about that yet. Scared and delighted and accomplished and intimidated, mostly.

I’m stalled on my Supernatural story. I try not to mention fanfic on here, because of very firm ideas of keeping my online personalities separate, but this story is kinda the focus of most of my attention now, outside of work. It’s not a special story, or long or interesting, but it just feels like a good thing to write and I enjoy it. I even like rereading what I have so far, which I rarely do. I want to finish it and move on to something new, though. I’ve been working on it for months, and it’s only about 3000 words long. I can write that much in one day, sometimes.

About writing: I’ve learned certain habits that are kinda odd. The first habit I learned from CTY: I refuse to repeat a word in a paragraph; if I had my way, I’d never repeat a word in the entire document. Using one word over and over is a sign of a small mind vocabulary, which is a horrible thing. At the same time, I have to balance whether the audience will know the alternate word, and whether the character would use it. I will go back and change whole sentences, sometimes for the worse, just to avoid repetition. On the other hand, I will use repetition for style or mood purposes, but only if there’s no other way to convey what I want. I also use sentence structure to carry mood. This is probably a good thing, but I fumble with it a little. Dad taught this to me, I think - at its most basic, the idea is that reading short, hard sentences makes for slow reading, but long quick ones give a sense of urgency. Slow reading has its place: I use it for tired, for someone so caught in the now that time flows off and on, for contrast, for emphasis on the important details in a paragraph of exposition. The other habits are all bad ones that make up my style. I start sentences with “and”, I use semicolons and dashes but never parentheses, I use a comma in almost every sentence. I count on the reader being smart enough to catch what’s not being said. Here, have a somewhat stylized snippet. Yes, the whole story is written like this; yes, I know it makes for surreal reading.

Dean sleeps restlessly, without waking. Sam holds vigil. The farm is silent in the way only the wild green earth can be, noisy in the way only places without pavement can be; the crickets and frogs sing fit to burst, raucous and wide awake. A wild cat calls, somewhere distant. The embers of the banked fire crackle like dry paper, settle now and then. And Dean kicks at the blankets, sweating in the chill night.

“Daddy,” Dean whispers, hoarse and tiny and broken, consonants rounded in sleep like an infant’s first words. Sam finds his cell phone, tucked into a nearly-forgotten pocket, dials and holds it to Dean’s sleeping ear. The furrow in Dean’s brow eases at the sound of their father’s voice, worn into too-familiar grooves. When it beeps, Sam puts the phone to his own ear. Just holds it for a moment. The voicemail waits, silent.

“I love you,” he finally says. It’s small, and the words don’t mean what he wants them to. “I just… you know that. I love you.”

He hangs up. Dean sleeps. Quiet, quiet, hush.

You have not heard awesome until you have heard a guitar solo done acapella. DO FREEBIRD!!!one …Oh hay. *checks folder of awesome new acapella music* …Okay, Carry On My Wayward Son works. :D Oooh, hay, Mummer’s Dance. Ooh also Kryptonite. :D :D I has awesome musiks!

Okay um. My computer gives me severe weather warnings, right? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. It’s still bright and sunny out! Also I live in New England, this is just not allowed. (more…)

Okay so. Had my driver’s test today. After many mishaps, it ended up that Shan’s sister drove his car to get me and brought me down for the test. We got there at 2:30; my test-person got in the car at 3:30. About fifteen minutes for the test - she skipped parallel parking entirely, because I was scheduled for 3′o’clock and they were running so late, dude. Then I go to wait in line some more. And some more. At 4:30 someone comes out and says “oh hay guys our systems is down lulz it isn’t coming back so go ‘way plz. Oh also we r closed tomorrow lulz have a nice day.” So we left. Then, because of weird stuff and Shan’s sister having gone out of her way to get me there in the first place, she drove us to somewhere and led me back to where I knew how to get home, which happened just shy of 6′o’clock.

So, in summary, FLAWLESS VICTORY. Seriously. Not a single point taken off. I don’t have my liscence because of the system crash, but we’ll go down Friday and get that done. I. I cannot believe I am actually getting my liscence. It’s SO WEIRD. Also the car seriously needs gas but I had to come right home because of aforesaid not having liscence. I seem to be stuck in that situation a lot lately. ;_; So not comfortable with that, yo.

I am addicted to lolcats.

Oh my god. I cannot express how much my head randomly hurts. Just one temple, and it hurt so bad it put me to sleep. I kid you not. I was gonna get stuff done today but every time the alarm went off I opened my eyes and said OH HELL NO and rolled over. Yes I took meds. Didn’t do a whit of difference.

In retrospect, maybe I should have remembered to turn on the vacuum when I was drilling out those cast iron pieces. (They were closed up inside the Hurco, relax. It’s not like I was huffing it.) Today was kinda nice, aside from the headache of death and the napping, and tonight I get to curl up with Shan. <3 He’s been away all week. It’s really weird, not having him here.

Uploaded a handful of pictures to Photobucket. The fireworks picture took about fifteen seconds to expose itself - I love the night setting on my camera. So that’s why it looks funny. :D I’ve been experimenting, trying to figure out what makes a good picture - but mostly just having fun with the night setting. XD There’s some old pictures I took way back in winter, too - a car completely buried in snow, for example. And I do mean completely.