Okay, sick for a day I can handle. Sick for three days, two of which are work days? Not so good. I had to miss a class, too. I have this crazy need to eat nothing but Saltines - it’s not that my stomach is ill, but I think maybe my body can’t process anything but simple foods right now. I am considering peanut butter and nibbling on Jello, but the Saltines are the best.

I only had two symptoms, but they’re the two I hate the most - clogged lungs (yes, lungs, I could feel it like an ant colony decided to have a party in my bronchii) and fever. That horrible kind of fever where every part of you is in agony and you can’t walk straight and even putting your head on the pillow makes you want to cry because your brain hurts. And Shan was worse, so I just concentrated on taking care of him up until last night. Last night I got up every half hour (am so not kidding, I checked the clock) to go hack up more crap and sip some cold water. I was in this weird delerium, seriously, where I was somehow thinking that if I couldn’t sleep for more than an hour straight, Atlantis’ shield would fail. But then if I did sleep, the engines would stop working. It wasn’t exactly coherent. But I feel better now! Only a touch of fever, although my lungs still have crud in them and I coughed my voice away. Shan’s fever is gone, which is good, and he seems to be tired but otherwise okay. I was getting pretty worried for a while there. I mean, I was feverish, and he felt like he was on fire. But he seems okay now, so I won’t worry about brain damage yet. Yay hypochondria~!

It is so true. We cellists get gipped. Also, my god, he does not mention the endless penis jokes. And I had to play a worse song - God, what was it? I just remember at the final performance of that song, we all quietly took the sheet music off our stands and tore it up. It was such a great moment.

I walked down to the sushi place but decided against going in. It’s weird to go to a restaurant alone. I have no one to go with, though - I’ll probably just tell myself it’s better not to go, since I want to lose weight, and just never go at all even though I want to and it’s probably better for me than what I normally eat. I went to the bookstore instead and flipped through books I didn’t plan on buying. There was some weird guy doing something with tobacco in one of the aisles. I think it was tobacco. I didn’t look too intently. He seemed nervous, like he was doing something illicit, and I wasn’t armed.

Speaking of illicit, I wish I could stop feeling guilty about liking food. I love food, I really do, but I can’t afford nice food and I’d just get fatter anyway. I gained weight again, almost ten pounds. It’s not noticeable. I didn’t lose that much over the last two years anyway. I think if I eat just one or two snacks for lunch and dinner, I should be able to keep my calories low enough to actually lose weight. But I hate being hungry. I feel worse when I’m hungry than when I’m fat, so I guess we’re back to square one. It’s ridiculous how much of my thoughts this takes up. I like food, I don’t care THAT much about my body, so there we go. That should be the end of it. I’m not going to make excuses and say that my weight is because of my medical problem - that’s possibly a small part of it, but my main problem is that I’m lazy and I like food. And that’s fine. I just need to stop whining about it.

I think today just sucks, and I like wallowing in misery, thus the whining. I spent $50 on a ridiculous toy. I don’t know why I do this to myself. Money is the one thing I can’t play around with. I could have put that money into savings, or towards paying off my credit card, or into the fund that’s going to go into investments. I need to stop getting treats for myself and Shan if I want to be able to afford to do something with my life. I’m so far below the poverty line I’m getting back every penny I paid for taxes. That is definitely all going into various savings.

Thinking about getting money makes me happy, so I’ll leave on that note.

Didn’t go to work. Went to NH instead. :D It was so great to see Saturnine and Dad and even some high school friends again. Dad gave me a T-shirt and sushi for a non-birthday present. XD Thank you, Dad! And I just finished my homework, and it feels like a Saturday, and for some reason I am convinced I’ll be fired when I go into work tomorrow. I won’t be, but I’m convinced I will. Weird. I feel really off today, but vacations do that to me. They tend to disturb me more than they make me relax. But at least I got my homework done. I kinda want to go down and get some unagi from the sushi place down the street now… I wonder if they have unagi don for takeout? Mmm, that would be so nice.

I desperately don’t want to go to work tomorrow. Does that make me a bad person?

It doesn’t look like we’re going to work tomorrow, either. The plow came, but only did the entrance to the drive, not the lot itself. Shan and I (and our neighbor Liz) tried to dig out with various trash bins (no one has a shovel, and there’s nowhere in walking distance that sells them either) and kinda succeeded, we thought - then Shan tried to back out, and it was just a repeat of last night. Not happening. I feel really bad - I can afford to not work for two days (plus Monday next week, damn holiday) but I kinda wanted to. But now I’m all worn out and cold and have hot chocolate and so, so happy. So many people skiing and snowboarding and snowshoeing down the road! Also, I finally caved and walked downtown and bought my Russian hat to go with my Russian coat. I adore it already. <3 I am so pleased. Plus, we made friends with another neighbor in our building! That’s always a good thing. She might visit later, who knows. XD We cleaned up just in case. It wasn’t that messy, but we didn’t want anything untoward laying out. Like the dirty clothes. They’re hiding in the shower. XD

I wonder what I’ll do if we can’t get out tomorrow. It’ll be a 5-day weekend, basically.

There is a stealth car across the street. I think it must have been trained by the Canadian army or something. By which I mean, there is a large lump on what might be the side of the road that, upon further examination, sports power windows.

I felt like playing in the snow, so I went outside for an hour or so and waited for cars to get stuck so I could push them. I never had to wait long, but I was so not pushing the bus. Nuh-uh. I got to direct traffic, too. And I nearly got frostbite on my ankles. XD It’s funny when you lose your footing in the snow and trip, and no one can tell because hey, you’re waist-deep anyway. Makes me want snowshoes. A lot of people are skiing downtown, which is awesome. I really want to go out somewhere, but our lot still has yet to be plowed, and driving would be a bad idea anyway. It had better get plowed before tomorrow, though, or we won’t be able to get into work. Again. D: I woke up a couple of times last night, and ended up calling in for both of us. Then I went out at 5am and took pictures and video~ I’ll edit them eventually. This is so awesome.

WHOA SNOW. There’s about, mm, 10 inches down right now, with another 20 expected before morning. I went out to do a little picture-taking (and some film, yay digital camera!) and after I had come back in, hung out by the fire for a few minutes, and defrosted my pants, my hair was still white. And I do mean white. Pictures later. *touches head* Eee! Still snow! Hee, it’s dripping in my ears.

We supposedly have five steps out front. I say supposedly because all I can see is a smooth ramp of white. I shoved the snow off with my feet, and the bottom step is still lost because the snow is just that thick. It’s the consistency of sand, very fine and very cold, but wow is it piling up. It’s so cool~! We, ah, probably won’t be going into work tomorrow. Which is kinda sad, because tomorrow I will be able to work in my own department again. Yay! No more working in Packing! Ah, I got runoff in my eye. Ugh.

Oh, and WE GOT A WII. HA HA HA HA HA. IT IS EVEN MORE AWESOME THAN I EXPECTED.

I gots me some Wagner~! I have settled into certain likings of classical music. Of the big names, I dislike Bach, like some Beethoven, and adore Wagner. Mozart is quite nice, too, but bombast = better. XD So I ended up getting a two-disc set of assorted Wagner, including the awesome Ride of the Valkyries. Mmmm. Now I just need the 1812 Overture.

I mention this because there is a particular story I’ve been working on since, mm, the 9th of December. I can only write it when listening to classical music. You see, the second character ALWAYS listens to classical music. He’s a little nuts, and it’s a coping mechanism, but basically I just cannot write a word of the story without something with violins in the background. Preferably really, really loud. I listen to a lot of Dies Irae. Anyway, the story is about 7 thousand words long and it’s nowhere near done, and I think I have to add a bunch of scenes to make it a decent story, and I’m kinda proud of it. It’s interesting, at least to me. I doubt anyone else will express any liking for it, but I enjoy writing it, so it’s getting written and written well. So there.

On a related note, I am so, so sick of having people insist I should get published. I DON’T WANT TO. How is that hard to understand? I shouldn’t have to defend myself for half an hour about this. I don’t want to, end of story. Sigh.

I’ve been checking out Tastespotting and NOTCOT recently, and thus have found a bunch of cool things I desperately want or admire. Strandbeests, for example. Or a bed from a fairy tale. Or, best of all, clockwork insects. How to eat sushi, Where The Hell is Matt, and a dragon backpack.