Today was a lot better in weird ways. Everyone is so friendly. D: I keep getting stopped by random people and asked how my second day is, and one guy nicely yelled at me for gumming up my machine. <_ < It wasn't my fault, I swear. (I finally learned how to handle Betty properly - basically, shove her around a lot. That applies to pretty much every part of my job so far. Shove things hard.) I learned patterns for stacking things, and all kinda of funny names (the small boxes that go into bigger boxes are individuals, the bigger boxes are masters, a wooden pallet is a skid, and so on), and I also found out that the job they have me doing is one a girl in the department has been wanting for a while. Uh. I feel kinda bad. My first day I get the job she wanted. >_> But the guy I’ve been working with (who is awesome, he has great music and teaches me what I need to know and then lets me do it) is leaving this Friday, so I might end up working with her, which would be okay. Her music is bleh, but she’s nice enough. I like the guy better. The actual supervisor hasn’t been in yet, thank god - I only hear horrible things about her.

I hurt. XD It’s in a good way, mostly, so I don’t mind - but geez, each small box is five and some, each big box is either 15 or 30 lbs, and there is a lot of boxes. Maybe two hundred of the big boxes a day? I don’t keep track. Lots. I didn’t have to get on the ladder too much today, but I learned real quick how to steer a pallet jack. I don’t get the super powered ones, but that’s okay. I’d probably break something. I also got better at lifting heavy things over my head! I’m just short enough that passers-by tend to stop out of pity and just grab the box I’m lifting. It’s kinda sweet and also annoying, but eh. Oh! A random guy gave me gloves. Shan says he’s the janitor. I’m indebted to him, because hey! No more papercuts! And it made working with the boxes a lot easier. Funny how that happens.

So anyway - I like the job, but it is tiring, but it is fun, and it is also good for me. I am gonna gain so much muscle. Joy!

Work was kinda giddy. I… was apparently doing a different job than they actually want me to do? Which is good, because I am incapable of lifting a 30 lb. box over my head while standing ten feet in the air on a ladder (admittedly, a very stable and roomy ladder). So I will be putting stickers on things instead, I hope, and I will do it very quickly and nicely. Also, the tape machine hated me. It hated me hard. I named it Betty. (Did I mention I was kinda giddy with the new-job-omg?) All in all, it was a pretty nice day, but very, very tiring. Didn’t help that I slept about five hours last night. Wheeee.

OH. I forgot to mention the best part. I got to hit boxes with a hammer. Really hard. Hee. (Well, not boxes, but I had to break the perforations, and so… mallet. While also doing two other things at the same time - putting boxes in boxes and finding where said boxes go. But mallet! Hulk smash! You have to hit them surpisingly hard. It was fun.) I’m… kinda dreading tomorrow, but I think that’s because I’m so tired. I’ll sleep very well tonight.

Stargate Atlantis, you are redeemed. (more…)

Work was weird. I think Amanda started crying. I’m gonna miss a lot of people there.

I realized today that I have a weird stance on fanfic - I see it as a gift. Writing it is a gift. Sharing it is a gift. The only kind of feedback I utterly despise (or feel negatively about at all, really) is the kind that says “okay, that was good, I demand more.” This is not your right, these words. This is a gift. And you know what? When a story hits me in the gut and leaves me crying and the characters have stopped talking and I’m alone in front of a computer, I open up that little text box and say something incoherent about how wonderful it was, how moving, and then I say “thank you.” I always seem to say “thank you, thank you for this thing of such beauty. Thank you for making it, for sharing it, for letting it exist.” Because I am just so damn grateful for these gifts, so glad I can share in them. I don’t give a shit about copyright or who copied whose story - that isn’t what matters. What matters is this precious, lovely present, from the author choosing words and phrases to the readers across the planet left breathless and stunned by the power of those words - every step of it is so important, so lovely, so pleasing. I don’t think I can convey the joy of writing, of creating something like that, or even the delight of reading a story so powerful it can evoke absolutely any emotion with a single twist of phrase, so powerful your body aches - but they’re gifts. They are incredible, awe-inspiring gifts.

Yeah. In a weird mood tonight. Kinda jubilant and awe-struck and, I don’t know, nervous about the new job and sad about the old one and in a strange kind of in-between. Thinky. Lots of thinky, and trying not to think, because yeah, weird in-between place where thinking too hard will make me sick. I need to go to sleep.

All the testing at the temp agency went well. I type a lot slower than I thought, mostly because I was trying really hard not to be nervous and I was totally screwing up all the time (their backspace key was tiny!) but I did well on the other tests, which were stuff like “where does this file go” and “what’s 127 plus 53″ and “using Word, make the margins this big.” Not exactly brain surgery. Ooh, the dexterity test was fun! Primary-colored blocks in only slightly confusing patterns! I won’t say what patterns because it sounds so simple but it’s actually really easy to mess up. I like primary-colored wood blocks. Makes me think of psychology tests and Legos and stuff. It’s peculiarly reassuring.

I’ve been having weird dreams lately. I don’t remember them, but I feel really peculiar upon waking, like I’m just stepping into a new reality. Creepy. Oh, but that design for a tattoo that I dreamt up? My first sketch of it is kinda plasticky, but I’m really liking the idea. I actually did a lot of research for it on Getty Images, which is my favorite resource for things of the visual variety. Thus far I’ve researched fish, dolphins, bats, and Amano’s art - the fish and dolphins for fairly obvious reasons, Amano because I do like his monster designs, and bats because I like the fox-bat’s headshape. So, I’m having lots of artistic fun. ♥

I’m so nervous about the new job that I’ve gotten moody and unpredictable. Sigh. At least I can still sleep! …Kinda.

P.S. It is a sad, sad day when I learn more about a mental disease from the sufferers of said disease than from any literature. I honestly did not know there was more than one kind of bipolar - but it makes total sense, I’m such an idiot, all mental illness is a matter of degrees. Gah. Note to self: Mixed-state, reactivity,  cyclothemia, bipolar II, lack of psychosis, and my hated nemesis: rapid-cycling. And oh hey: People with bipolar disorder often have abnormal thyroid gland function. People with rapid cycling tend to have co-occurring thyroid problems. Fortunately, I have taken a strict vow not to self-diagnose, mostly because I get really sad when I can’t rationally give myself schizophrenia, and partly because I haven’t noticed any signs of mental illness for the last few years and retroactive diagnosis is just ridiculous. And also I’m too lazy to see if the timelines for my depression and suchnot match up to the apparent beginning of my hormonal issues.

The right wing of my dragon is totally messed up. On all my designs. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT.

YAY ALLERGIES. Not taking meds unless I have to. I have a sneaking suspicion I’m actually sick, which would be why the antihistamines are making me high. So, cough drops and tea it is. At least I have the Ricola drops. Not only do they have a funny name, but they taste good and work well! Plus, I’ve been obsessed wih reading ingredients lately (and calories, but that is not really related) and I know exactly what every thing in these suckers is. Well, I know what potassium benzoate is, so that’s not a really accurate statement, but ANYWAY.

I’ve been thinking for a few years of getting a tattoo. (I think I just heard Dad shriek from a state away.) But anyway, I’ve been thinking a bit harder on it lately, and I’ve started sketching. I know I want a dragon, but I don’t want someone else’s dragon, if that makes sense. Dragons are kinda silly, the embodiment of fantasy, but hey, I like my fantasy world. So, sketching. The problem is that I can’t really settle on a bodytype. But! I had a cool dream last night, and now I think I know what I want. Now to see if I can draw it. It’s kinda inspired by those really awesome tattoos of koi swimming through ponds - that overhead underwater view is perfect. I mean, hello, me + water + dragons = yay! So, time to research lizard hips, because I have no idea how to draw a dragon from above.

Also, I had no idea exactly how picky I am about pencils. I knew I hated Eagles, the waxy pieces of crap, and I adore Ticonderogas, but the other day I was trying to sketch and I gave Shan my pencil because the lead was too hard. I wonder what I did with my old drawing pencils…

WHEEEE. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster. YAY MEDICINE. Honestly, Claritin never used to make me high like this, that’s why I started taking it instead of the cheap stuff. Ugh. I despise allergies. And I get to work six hours like this. OH YAY. I’m going to be all drawling and vague and my scan time will SUCK. Oh yeah, I need to burn that CD for that dude. Right. Okay.

I’m gonna miss some of my coworkers. They’re all leaving, too, but I’ll still miss them. Eric and Amanda were great supervisors, and Marcia is just the best snarky lady ever, and Dennis is the funniest old man, and that guy on the night shift with the crazy cats is just. Well. Crazy cat guy. I should grab some cards or something. Heh.

SO ESSITED. Everything good is happening all at once! I’m trying not to be wary or overwhelmed, but HOLY CRAP.

1. Saw Snakes on a Plane, it was great, exactly what I wanted and expected, SO FUN. I think Shan enjoyed it even though he wasn’t enthused about seeing it. IT WAS FUN.

2. I actually have a decent schedule for this week, which means a decent paycheck, which is GOOD.

3. I found money in Paypal! Awesome! Also, made decent money from selling crap! Yay! It went to the old bank account, so I have to write myself a check, but still. MONEYS.

4. Ally and I are TWINS. She was born three days after me, for realz. We’re the same kind of crazy, too. TWINS. (I just love her because she talks to me when she’s at work.)

5. Speaking of work. HA HA HA, OLD WORK. I have semi-officially been hired at the new job - it will be official on Wednesday, and I start there on Monday. I’m finishing up this week at the grocery store, and I gave them the head’s up today, and I’m SO EXCITED. And nervous. But I will do well! Ganbare!

6. School starts in two weeks! I saw my Algebra teacher today, because she checked out through my line. It was so surreal. I mentioned that I was glad we were starting on absolute value because I adore absolute value, and she said noone had ever said that to her. XD It was funny. I think I will do well in her class, if no one has ever liked absolute values.

SO. That is all the good things I can think of right now. BUT THEY ARE MANY AND VARIOUS. And I’m finding entertaining things on the Internet again, and LIFE IS GREAT. No I am not bipolar.

SNAKES ON A MUTHAFUCKING PLANE.

Oh yeah.

The first half was kinda boring and dramatic, and Shan and I agree it would have been better with rubber snakes, but basically? Exactly what I expected. Very satisfyingly stupid, except for the small detail of me squeeing over the horned vipers.

…I never said I was sane. I’d never try to catch a king cobra, though. You walk to up to them and use your hand to gently push them to the ground and then grab them. wtf. They’re big enough to look you in the eyes as you do this.

I am having entirely opposite and equally strong emotional reactions to something trivial. This upsets me, because it means I’m being irrational, and I hate it when that happens. Today is not a good day. I should go to bed before it gets worse or I sulk or something.

See? Women are perfectly capable of knowing when they’re being psycho. There’s just the small matter of controlling it.